In 2020, Sonika Tandi stepped away from hockey due to severe depression. Months of counselling, medication, meditation & mental toughness helped her return to India squad & being named for WC. Brave of her to come out & speak about her issues

Sonika Tandi, one of the most promising hockey players to have worn the blue India jersey in recent years, saw her career graph rise steadily ever since she made her debut for the India junior team in 2014. In less than two years, the skillful midfielder was made captain of the same outfit.Sonika’s talent and the ability to create goalscoring opportunities caught the eye of national selectors who then chose to give the girl from Hisar her senior team debut at the 2016 South Asian Games where India went on to win gold. Her career highlight came a year later when she helped India win the Asia Cup after a gap of 13 years, cementing her position in the Indian squad for the next couple of years.

But while she was making her mark professionally, personally things weren’t falling in place as Sonika wanted them to. After touring New Zealand in early 2020, the Haryana girl decided to step away from the game. “I was diagnosed with severe depression,” said the 25-year-old

Ever since making her debut, the shy and usually quiet Sonika kept thinking that she wasn’t performing to her potential. “I’d get tours, play them well but still feel that I wasn’t delivering. Slowly self-doubt started creeping in,” she said.

Clueless at the start, Sonika soon began to realise she had an issue. “It was in 2018 that I started to understand that I have a problem. In 2019 and early 2020, I’d go to the ground, would do my hard work but I was always empty inside. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. At times I wouldn’t feel like going to the ground at all. I’d be afraid of the crowd and not be able to step on to the pitch,” said the midfielder.“I was under a lot of stress. (The then chief coach) Sjoerd (Marijne) supported me a lot. He got me in touch with doctors and knew a lot about the subject, helping me understand what all this was. I researched a lot too and found out myself,” said Sonika. “It was then that doctors told me that I have depression, that it’s not important if you have it only during a low phase in life. It can happen at any point even if you’re performing at your peak. How you’re playing, age has nothing to do with it.”

Recovery

There began Sonika’s recovery process that made her sacrifice hockey, got her away from negative vibes and pressure with regular counselling and medication. Since Sonika was an elite sportsperson, her doctors didn’t give her anti-depressants. “I was put on medicines for only three months as the doctors told me that they don’t want me to heal using medication but through counselling and other steps because sportspersons are very strong mentally,” said the 25-year-old, who works for the Income Tax department in New Delhi
Apart from the counselling sessions that went on for eight-months, Sonika also pursued meditation which helped her to learn how to handle stress. It was also during counselling that she realised she wasn’t always a reticent person but rather it is a direct side effect of being depressed.

Return to the pitch

After staying away from the game for a year, a leaner, short-haired Sonika surprised everyone by making a return to the artificial turf when she took part at the Navabharat Trophy Women’s All India Tournament in Bilaspur, Chhattisgarh, in February 2021.

On return, Sonika took to the sport as a fish takes to water, guiding Central Civil Services Cultural and Sports Board to the title to earn Player of the Tournament award. “When I got the award, I thought why don’t I try things again, relive my dream,” said Sonika.